Eye on the prize

My whole life, the prize was being skinny. It meant being accepted. It meant finding love. It meant shopping for cute clothes…

The un-reachable dream… To have someone, anyone… Offer me a burger because I needed it. (I know I offered skinny girls burgers because they were too skinny).

Diet after diet… Failure after failure. Heartache after heartache. Then I found IP… And it was different. And I lost the weight. Oddly the other stuff didn’t happen because I reached goal (and the hamburger thing has never happened), no they happened when I started taking care of myself and trying. Hmmm… Save that for another blog!

This past week, I chucked everything I know out the door…. I ignored my inner voice, and I stopped doing the things that work for me. And just like that, I am 8 years old and ready to throw one hell of a temper tantrum because it’s too hard!!!!!

I mean you have to prep… Which means going to the store… You have to think and plan. You have to pack your lunch, which means you have to plan the night before or get up at 4am.

You have to take your pills… And you usually think about it at 11pm when you fall into bed too tired to make lunch for the next day… So you are looking at 5 hours sleep… Max. Because I have to wake up at 4am.

That was me… And then I tried to button my work pants. HELLO!!!! Too damn tight (always keep button/zip pants. They keep you more honest than stretchy pants)! Dragged myself to the scale… OMG… 5 days.., 5 pounds….

So, it’s back to logging every bite, every sip, every move. Today is day 2…. And I am not trying to reach the skinny mini prize… I just want my pants to fit!!!!

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