be the prize

My husband and I joke, but I have always said that I want to be a trophy.

When I was heavy, I actually over heard someone say something about how come he is with her, she is so fat and disgusting. And then she went so far as to try and coerce my companion to ditch me to be with her. What they didn’t know was I was out with a friend. It wasn’t a date. He told her I was worth a million of her and to get lost. But I was embarrassed and humiliated…

The other day a dude was checking me out… And my husband saw it and commented on it… That memory popped up… And honestly, I laughed and said oh look I became a trophy…

And then I became unnerved… What the heck is wrong with us that we have no self worth unless someone else notices???? And why in the world is it so frightening when it happens?

It’s very hard to go from hiding from the camera and mirrors to being ok with it. It’s also hard to explain that I take a million selfies not out of vanity, but because I have to physically force myself to be part of the picture.

So here is my truth. I think there is something beautiful about truly happy people. If someone needs to tear someone down or compare themselves to others to feel pretty… They are not happy… I don’t need a mirror or a photo to determine if I am pretty… I need to laugh, smile, and love… That’s the beauty of it all!

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Me… This morning… Before coffee…

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